Exclusive: Transcript of leaked phone conversation:
Najib Razak Malaysian Prime Minster: Hello Najib here.
John Kerry: Good, look buddy I …
NR: Who’s this?
JK: It’s Kerry, listen bud ….
NR: It’s 2am here!
JK: Look, we need to make sure that this bloody plane debacle doesn’t blow up any more than it already has. You are…
NR: We’re trying to get to the bottom…..
JK: Listen, Sunny, you remember what happened to Saddam for selling his bloody oil for f..n Euros, that sob.
NR: Yeah, he copped it badly, so did his country, 1.5 million dead and counting.
JK: Don’t get smart with me, sunshine, Malaysia’d be a pushover, believe me.
NR: We are cooperating as you’ve instr…
JK: Look, remember that desert fox Gaddafi, he proposed a Gold backed Dinar, some kind of an Islamic Currency, just the same crazy stuff your predecessor has proposed.
NR: Yes, we think that this would be…
JK: Do I have to remind you what happened to that bloody sob and his country, hu? Now they’re back tending sheep, Bedouin style, out in the desert, (laughter ensues) we almost completely turned that bloody upstart country back to desert. Serves him right, look buddy, anyone challenging the dollar will get it smack dab in the bulls eye.
NR: I understand, but what’s that got to do with….
JK: You just follow the script, we’ll deliver it to you every day, get that? Now at tomorrow’s press briefing over that darn plane don’t spill any more beans or (sniggering) you might deeply regret it. You know nothing, you need to check first, you will enquire, but don’t blather out any more compromising stuff.
NR: Our customs and religion don’t allow us to tell…
JK: F..k your customs, like I’ve said, you make one false move and basta. Those bloody CIA and Mossad spooks f…ed up again, just like 911, and you should know how credible that story turned out to be, we need to nip any truth emerging in the bud right away, get that?
NR: Well, that satellite ping is a dead giveaway, of cour….
JK: Just let our boys write the script for all your pressies and don’t answer any queries you can’t handle.
NR: There are always probing questions from the press and the Chinese are livid and are giving us a really hard…
JK: Just let me handle the Chinese, they’ve got the money but we’ve got the military, what do you think wins wars, hu?
NR: Money can buy anything.
JK: Not if you’re dead or living in caves, get that?
NR: It’s really late and I need…
JK: You be a good boy and we’ll look after you, we can just print off a few millions and no one will ever know (hysterical laughter) let the boys know your Channel Island account, ok!
NR: We really don’t work that way, it’s against…
JK: Well, look what happened to Chavez and his country or Assad in his desert, well, it’ll soon all be desert after we’ve finished, hmh well our proxy guys have finished with that upstart country. You know, that cancer of that Chavez guy, well how would YOU like to go then, we can give you any dose you like, cancer, incurable syphilis, ah sorry you Muslims guys don’t go for the loose ladies, do you, shame, Ebola and some really nasty stuff which kills you slowly, or a heart attack with a high energy pulse…
NR: Ok, ok, it’s breaking my heart but for the good of Malaysia I’ll cooperate with….
JK: That’s my boy, you know, the Israelis really want to use that twin plane for their false flag attack, these crazy guys really want Iran destroyed, and we have to do it for them, (sigh) well at least the defence industry will do very well out of it, I’m heavily invested, so should you Najib.
NR: Don’t really like to profiteer from death and destruction….
JK: One day you’ll learn how the world really works, you guys over there in Asia are off the planet, you’ve gotta make hay while the sun shines, get it? Paradise my arse, money’s no good up there (sarcastic laughter). So listen, you don’t know nothing, you will first check and no impromptu answers, just can’t trust you darn guys.
NR: We’ve lost a plane a lot of people, our image is tarnished, we’ve fallen out with our friends and now you..
JK: That’ll teach you to hold show trials finding our guys guilty of War Crimes; you know Bush, Blair, Netanyahu and that Aussie bloke Howard are seething and baying for your blood.
NR: We follow our conscience, we want a fairer world, that’s our cust….
JK: Listen Naji boy, does Allende, Gaddafi, Saddam, Correa, Assad, Castro, Chavez, Maduro, Ayatollah, and 60 others, mean anything to you, see we get some of them, and the others will always have to look over their shoulders, don’t be one of them sunny.
NR: We kept most of the stuff secret, but our opposition leader blurted out things about the radar which should have picked…..
JK: Don’t worry about that, our press, worldwide, is keeping quiet about anything inconvenient or revealing, zilch, nada, nothing. It’ll die a natural death, just like that decoy plane in the Gulf of Thailand, don’t worry my boy, that’s what we own the press for. (Laughter) We just can't have you finding that plane or the whole darn plot turns to custard and the Israelis will have to unload their copy.
NR:Who’s we, Kerry?
JK: I’ve gotta go now, the boss wants me to brief him on the war preps, and don’t forget to buy into Halliburton or Blackstone and Carlyle, (sarcastic laughter)
Ciao now, Naji, or whatever you say over there. (click)
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